The Funniest Tweets I’ve Seen on Twitter – So far!

twitter_logoAs some of you know, I recently started spending a lot more time on Twitter.  Twitter has really transformed itself over the past 2-3 months.  If you haven’t been on Twitter in a while, you should check it out.

HINT:  If you want more followers – FOLLOW MORE PEOPLE!

More on that here: It’s Not Your Daughter’s Twitter Anymore!

BTW:  If we are not already friends on StumbleUpon come join my network and I’ll help promote your website or blog.  And if you are on Twitter than follow me here.

Listed below are just some (hard to catch them all without remaining on Twitter 24/7) of the funny Tweets that I have seen over the past couple of weeks.  If you know of others, please leave them in the comments section and I will add them to the list, with a link to your Twitter account or website as my thanks for your contribution.

BTW:  You should follow the people listed below here… they’re funny!That's Funny

@shmoozanne74: “i’m so tired we may end up eating Captain Crunch stuffing and mashed bananas” – hey, don’t knock the Cap’n.

@rinkjustice I refuse to follow anyone with a Twitter name like “gkjg,nlhjhg”. Jus’ sayin.

@JackBastide How do you keep a Tweeter in suspense? … I’ll tell you tomorrow

@MarkClayson Darn it! Used “charm” twice.

@MarkClayson Night’s curtain falls and charms my wavering consciousness. ‘Tis time to greet the charm of dreams. Goodnight my friends.

@JackBastide There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.

@eduinnovation I have glitter on my hands and on my face from Christmas ornaments. How do the elves and Santa handle this. Must have some Santa Shop secret

@Mobasoft I could collect 500 gallons of rainwater in a 1/2 inch rain. Enough to flush the toilet 147 times. But I live in a “Modern House” – pfffft.

@JackBastide I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

@NatalieGrant: Twittering is dangerous. I was reading my tweets and wasn’t watching where I was walking & ran into a pole.

@BrianCarter @lifeofjenn lol some people might tell you Twitter is a second chance to be “cool in school”. Love Ben Folds.

(Zebra Photo Courtesy of: LaDonna_62 )

FROM THE COMMENTS SECTION: (Thank you for your contribution)

Jaffer writes:
I usually favourite hilarious and memorable Tweets by my own friends. Here are a few gems:
@katize: hahahaha!! We can hear the neighbors having sex…damn!! they are so loud!!

@ithinkdancan: @TonyBerkman your fly is down

@maniar Feeling Stupid – Bought a Sara Lee Pumpkin Pie. Thought it was ready to eat. Didn’t read instructions. Sunk teeth right into dough ! P

@jugglingfrogs Gretta (4) stubbed her toe & kissed it herself.Then kissed it again & again. “I’m kissing my toe lots of times so it won’t hurt next time.”

@goldiekatsu Just read “Oneal Pkwy” as “Oatmeal Pkwy”. Still giggling.

@offendedblogger Dreamed I was doing community service, picking up trash on a mountainside in Yellowstone last night, wtf sort of dream is that?!

_____________________________

Truthoughts writes:

Here’s one:

@rickosborne Those who collect followers by the yard and follow by the inch should B kicked by the foot. : )

_____________________________

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22 Responses

  1. I usually favourite hilarious and memorable Tweets by my own friends. Here are a few gems:

    @katize: hahahaha!! We can hear the neighbors having sex…damn!! they are so loud!!

    @ithinkdancan: @TonyBerkman your fly is down

    @maniar Feeling Stupid – Bought a Sara Lee Pumpkin Pie. Thought it was ready to eat. Didn’t read instructions. Sunk teeth right into dough ! :P

    @jugglingfrogs Gretta (4) stubbed her toe & kissed it herself.Then kissed it again & again. “I’m kissing my toe lots of times so it won’t hurt next time.”

    @goldiekatsu Just read “Oneal Pkwy” as “Oatmeal Pkwy”. Still giggling.

    @offendedblogger Dreamed I was doing community service, picking up trash on a mountainside in Yellowstone last night, wtf sort of dream is that?!

    You can find a more in my favourites

  2. Bradley
    Thanks for sending them. I was wondering if you could stumble msg me a good program to watch everything on twitter. I used to use something twitdeck or something like that anyway. I will try twitter again. Months ago I found alot of the people to be snobs.But alot of that is how I see/saw it :)
    I think I already have you on mine
    http://twitter.com/jsinkeywest
    Thanks

  3. Here’s one:

    rickosborne Those who collect followers by the yard and follow by the inch should B kicked by the foot. : )

  4. Bradley,

    These are classic – thanks for making my night!

    John

  5. Hey nice collection lol,,
    I hope some day you will find something like this in mine tweets too :P lol

  6. @Jaffer: Thanks for the list – I have posted it in the article with live links to the author as well as a link to your blog.

    @John Sullivan: I will Stumble message you this as well, but I’m putting here as well because it will be helpful for others too. The program you refer to is TweetDeck. I believe it has been upgraded since you were using it, so be sure to go to http://www.tweetdeck.com/beta/ to get the latest version. There is a great tutorial video that John Haydon (commentor above) put together for TweetDeck here: http://www.corporatedollar.org/2008/11/video-post-how-to-use-tweetdeck/

    Yes, Twitter has changed dramatically since you were on a while back. Give it another try. You’ll be hooked!

    Here are a few quick tips:

    1.) Not everyone will follow you back, but a lot of people will. So follow a lot of people you are interested in.

    2.) Be sure to interact with people… respond to the Tweets you are recieving (know that not all Tweeters will respond back – but many will) This allows you to connect with people.

    3.) People don’t care how much you know… until they know how much you care!

    4.) Above all else, have fun and be yourself, as you always do!

    @Truthoughts: Ah, my beautiful wife. You rock! Thanks for that awesome submission. One of the best so far!

    @John Haydon: You are so welcome. Thanks for letting me know!

    @kitz: Thanks! Since I’m following you on Twitter, I’ll be sure to keep my eyes open for yours WHEN it comes in.

  7. awesome post. I will return.

  8. I love this one…

    @NatalieGrant: Twittering is dangerous. I was reading my tweets and wasn’t watching where I was walking & ran into a pole.

    Walk and tweet at same time? Now that’s talent!

  9. ha ha ha really fun!!! :D

  10. THE FUNNIEST TWITTER-TYPO YET:
    @timastevens Just finished blowing my for the third time since last night. 6:21 PM Jan 10th from TweetDeck
    @timastevens Uh, typo. Insert word “driveway.” Blowing my driveway. 6:21 PM Jan 10th from TweetDeck

    MY OTHER “FAVORITED” FUNNIES:
    @Fernihough i have a target on my face this week that reads “irritate me. please.”

    @hotdogsladies Oh, Google. You know I meant to type “Angus Young.” Jeez, one dropped consonant, and now I have to go bleach my corneas for an hour.

    @russware The glove compartment isn’t accurately named And everybody knows it

    @NotHenryRollins My optimism wears heavy boots and is loud

    @DougFields At no point during my years in seminary was I ever prepared to negotiate arguments with facility staff over the price we charge for coffee.

    @tomcottar instead of McCain or Obama…vote Optimus Prime.

    @mhenslee Watching Wade Philips mumble…umm mmm we stunk ummm romo choked hmm mmm we’re overated ummm hmmm I wanna coach oakland mmm umm hmm.

    @dooce The server at Chili’s brought me four mugs of Diet Coke, and I was so happy about this that for a second I finally understood Sarah Palin.

    @claytonchancy How fun would life be if you could tickle yourself?

    @mattmcgill New song SCREAM by chris cornell ought to be called princess, bubble gum, ponies.

    @mhenslee I’d thank @officialpeta for following me here on twitter…but it will have to be after I finish this double-bacon-cheeseburger.

    Funniest Stream:
    @larryboatright just spilled a dr pepper on my crotch 12:34 PM Sep 17th, 2008 from Hahlo
    @larryboatright no people, I did not poop my pants. It’s dr pepper, isn’t it obvious?? 1:16 PM Sep 17th, 2008 from Hahlo
    @larryboatright I bumped Kevin and made him spill his coffee on his MacBook pro. I am a goon. Pray it still works 4:27 PM Sep 17th, 2008 from Hahlo
    @larryboatright kevin’s laptop has gone to be with the Lord.7:15 PM Sep 17th, 2008 from Hahlo
    @thekevincouch Larry killed my laptop with my first love…….coffee 9:00 PM Sep 17th, 2008 from Twittelator

    Larry had previously spilled water and Dr. Pepper on his crotch 2 other times but unfortunately I didn’t have the foresight to start “favoriting” the trend.

  11. @amecoli

    Thanks for making me laugh and introducing me to funny peeps!

  12. [...] Posts The Funniest Tweets I’ve Seen on Twitter – So far!You know the economy is bad when…1 Aerosol Hairspray Can + 1 Lighter = 1 Less EyebrowWoman shot in [...]

  13. [...] this may happen more than we realise.  A quick scan of some tweet’s I’ve seen, and those of others, show we have an epidemic on our hands.  I’ll let you decide… [...]

  14. [...] Ouside my Brain listed some of the funniest Tweets he knows. [...]

  15. Her tweets are hilarious: http://twitter.com/blankwhitewall

    “I’m sorry 8y/o me, the 80s were a very confusing decade. We thought George Michael songs were about women…”

    “I notice my parents don’t ask me to help with the chores anymore. Well, not since I hung up that Lizzie Borden poster in my room.”

  16. Have you checked out http://www.besttweets.com? The site calls itself “The Museum for the Art of Micro-Elegance”. Be prepared to lose a few hours there, reading the hilarious tweets …..

    You can also follow @BstTwt – - – > http://www.twitter.com/BstTwt

  17. RT @RemTheMulatto Im sweet… I promise… #lieslemonstell

  18. Great list btw

  19. Heres one: For laughs i sneak condoms into little old ladies carts at the supermarket, just to watch the facial expressions on the cashier..

  20. Thanks for sharing! Hilarious!!

  21. Yaşlı teyzenin omzuna dokunması üzerine başını hafifçe arkaya çeviren otobüs şoförü, teyzenin ona uzattığı bademleri görür. ne gerek var teyze diye cevap verir. teyzenin ısrarı üzerine bademleri alıp yer bu olay böyle 2 3 kere tekrarlanır şoför te…devamı için: http://www.komikti.com/viewer.asp?ino=206

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