Funniest Tweets – 2nd Edition
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Funny Tweets make me laugh… and since laughter is the best medicine, I wanted to share with you some of the funniest Tweets I’ve seen on Twitter. This is my 2nd edition. If you haven’t seen the first edition, you can do so by clicking Funniest Tweets I’ve Seen On Twitter… So Far.
I highly recommend that you follow these individuals. To do so, just click on their Twitter name and it will take you right to their Twitter account.
Enjoy the laughs and by all means, if you have an “Funny Tweets” that you have saved in your favorites, just post them in the comments section and I will upload them into this post, giving you credit and making their Twitter names clickable.
@brooksbayne best part of valentine’s day being over is no more vermont teddy bear commercials. #fail
@DennisFMaloney A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A w
oman must do what he can’t. – Rhonda Hansome
@DennisFMaloney “Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you’ll be disconnected.”
—Unknown
@RoyDAylmer The worst thing about censorship is xxxxxxxx xxx xxxxx xxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xx xxx x x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx
@sethsimonds Do you think “Spam” is able to sell more processed meat because their brand name is used so much on the internet, though out of context?
@frankparker If the invisible man knocks the door tell him i can’t see him right now!
@awaisnaseer when clicked to add myself as friend on digg it said “You cannot befriend yourself silly. Go find some new friends!” ha ha ha LOL
@missourioutdoor Light travels faster than soundThis is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
@blairwarren If you discover you’re not the voice inside your head, you’re free; if you take my word for it, you’re simply trading one voice for another.
@PragueBob John Denver was born on this day in 1943 in Roswell, New Mexico. Wait, Roswell? …and inability to identify his body in a 1997 plane crash?
@Aronado my poodle farted, she must have eaten another California burrito…gees!!!
@JamesIslander My fake plant died because I didn’t pretend to water it…
@William_Bell Wondering why a woman’s best friend is a diamond and a man’s best friend is a dog! Can someone with intelligence answer?
@deadrooster You know, I’d give my right-arm to be ambidextrous.
@exotikmaze Interesting headlines I’ve been seeing today. Caskets found as workers demolish mausoleums. Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons..:-)
@revjinx The looks that I’m getting from @AlexisRae as I’m crawling around the roof hanging Christmas lights is kinda freakin me out.
(Continued) @revjinx Its like she just doubled my life insurance policy and is just waiting now.
@deadrooster I’m reading a book called 3-minute abs. I worked out for 3 minutes but my abs look the same…what a ripoff!
Thanks for stopping by, I hope you had a good laugh
Remember to follow me on Twitter, if you’re not already!
THIS SPACE RESERVED FOR YOUR FAVORITE FUNNY TWEETS:
The following were submitted by Jaffer Maniar in the comments:
@problogger Last night I had a dream that I was watering the garden. Then I woke up… It was 3am and I was in the backyard watering my vege patch.
@hollydale Dear spammers … go buy a billboard on the highway
@OlgaTTB @maniar What’s a Shamwow?
Be sure to check the Comment Section for more and add your favorites! I figured out how to edit the comments to make the @names clickable.
Filed under: Bored, Comedy, Creative Writing, Expression, Family, Friends, Friendship, Fun, Funny, Funny Moments, Funny Stories, Hillarious, Humor, Laugh, Laughing, Life, Personal, Random, Random Thoughts, Real Life, Stories, Story, Stupid, Thoughts, blog, blogging, blogospere, hilarious | Tagged: follow me, Funniest Tweets, Funny People on Twitter, Funny Tweets, Round Twitter Logo, twitter, Twitter Icon, twitter logo






























[...] Comments Funniest Tweets I’ve Seen On Twitter – 2nd Edition « Outside My Brain on The Funniest Tweets I’ve Seen on Twitter – So far!Outside My Brain on You know the [...]
Here are some Indivudual Tweets I think are funny:
@OutsideMyBrain New Post: “Funniest Tweets on Twitter – 2nd Edition” http://tw.itter.me/funnytwe... – Read, Laugh, ReTweet
(Your link didn’t work !)
@problogger Last night I had a dream that I was watering the garden. Then I woke up… It was 3am and I was in the backyard watering my vege patch.
@hollydale Dear spammers … go buy a billboard on the highway
@OlgaTTB @maniar What’s a Shamwow?
A great list, it is wonderful to always embrace your funny side.
Here are some conversations which I faved:
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@angesbiz It alex a gale last night. Thought the tent was going to take off! Thank God it stayed intact. Hoping for good sleep tonight.
@angesbiz LOL!!! THATS WHAT YOU GET TYPING ON A PHONE! I meant it BLEW a gale last night.
@maniar @angesbiz I was wondering about that. Then I thought it “Alex” must also be some Aussie term.
@angesbiz @maniar Aussie slang is a very colourful language! unfortunately “alex” doesn’t fit into it
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@meleahrebeccah @awakeinroch wife beater is a mans undershirt TANK TOP
@awakeinroch @meleahrebeccah lol When I googled it at first I got a pic of a man spanking a women. lol then got right one.
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@maniar Well, it’s almost Lunch time in the EST ! If you’d like an appetizer, see my latest post
http://is.gd/hgQ5
@sheildmaiden96 @maniar Two and a half hours. That’s how close I am to decent Indian food. Two and a half hours. And I want it. Badly.
@maniar @Shieldmaiden96 Umm… you could call it an emergency could you ? Just turn on the sirens and you’ll be there in no time
(She’s an EMS)
@goldiekatsu @maniar For some reason my mind just flashed me an image of a car with mermaid like sirens sitting on top singing their siren song.
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This is a great post! I’ll definitely be coming here some more for follow-ups
LOL!
Really a nice collection! Thnx 4 including me BTW!
Loved your funny tweets. My some of my favs that I thought were funny are below. Yes, my peeps and I are strange. lol.
Enjoy.
@quixotickel: You can now following all the planets in our solar system on twitter. So, of course, I must!!! I make myself laugh, I am such a geek!
@Nerfduck: @quixotickel Are you worried they’ll go someplace you don’t expect?
@quixotickel: LOL nerfduck, just want to know what a planet thinks.
@Nerfduck: @quixotickel I’m sure Pluto’s still pissed, well except in New Mexico – http://tinyurl.com/39q8xa
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@raines on Copernican universe model exhibit: “Where is Pluto? Call 202-747-3405, press 29#”
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@merchanta: I am, apparently, inadvertently watching people have sex. They, understandably, think they are inconspicuous.
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@raines: deciding on a new biz card title: housing yenta
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@ajeffri: Kelly is throwing out my tighty-whiteys.
@merchanta: @ajeffri it’s about time!!!
@quixotickel: @merchanta Got him multicolored boxerbriefs that fit. His tighty-whiteys were aged; per say they weren’t really tighty or whitey.
@merchanta: @quixotickel that makes me laugh. Remi has tightygreys. They’re still grey but not tight. Boxerbriefs are the sexy man underwear of the future.
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@ooshiny: Among other less trivial things, I enjoy having a president who can pronounce “nuclear.”
@merchanta: @ooshiny no kidding… though I think that the evolution of language is eventually going to allow for “nucyoolar…” *sigh*
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@ajeffri: Marble doesn’t like olives.
@merchanta: @ajeffri Is that a surprise? Do you other cats like olives?
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@ajeffri: “It’s just sitting there, like a dead rat, doing nothing!” — @quixotickel about my too-large belt.
[...] Funniest Tweets I’ve Seen On Twitter – 2nd Edition Funniest Tweets – 2nd Edition [...]
@gtheg: Beans on Toast for dinner. That either means my mum’s being lazy or we have no food left, the credit crunch must be biting, biting hard!
My favorites came from MatthewBaldwin:
MatthewBaldwin: OPEN MAILBOX
MatthewBaldwin: READ LEAFLET
MatthewBaldwin: INVENTORY
MatthewBaldwin: This is the worst text adventure I have ever played.
And if I could toot my own horn for a second:
Chezzo: Obama said that the economy was about to get “Retard Strong” on Conan O’Brian last night.
Hoping these inspire more senseless humor…
TampaMarc: Lord grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage… Aww never mind. Just give me a gun. I’ll take it from there.
TampaMarc: The meaning of life escapes me, but I’m pretty sure it has something to do with cheesy nachos!
TampaMarc: @Sarahglitter Easy on the breakfast Punkin. Every time you have eggs, they end up fertilized! I KILL ME!!!
TampaMarc: I think Twitter should add a button just above ‘Follow’ and call it ‘Stalk’. Or something more PC like ‘Stealth Admire’.
TampaMarc: Just realized what a great tool twitter can be for assassins… Attention Assassins: I “WILL NOT” be at Caddy’s or Hula Bay Club today!
TampaMarc: @queenoftroops Due to budget cuts, the glass slipper’s been replaced w/ a pleather sneaker. Oh, and we had to let Prince Charming go…
TampaMarc: Learned to speak text tonight. For instance; “lol rotfl ttyl mwah” translates to “you’re a tool if you know what this means”!!!
TampaMarc: I’m calling it now… Swine flu = bedazzled surgical masks by summer. Ed Hardy, are you listening?
TampaMarc: I’m watching the dog watch me, but it makes me wonder… Doesn’t this bitch have anything better to do?
TampaMarc: Is a “Ninja Assassin” a ninja who is an assassin, or someone who assassinates ninjas? Do you hire a ninja assassin to assassinate a ninja?
@oxxox: Sometimes I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe..but maybe that’s cause I’m a woman driver..
I’m trying to remember what Ginkgo Biloba is for.
I’ll throw mine up there it anybody is curious. Trying to build some followers. Enjoy!
@sharthappens
http://www.twitter.com/sharthappens