Funniest Tweets I’ve Seen On Twitter – 2nd Edition

Funniest Tweets – 2nd Edition

Funny Tweets make me laugh… and since laughter is the best medicine, I wanted to share with you some of the funniest Tweets I’ve seen on Twitter.  This is my 2nd edition.  If you haven’t seen the first edition, you can do so by clicking Funniest Tweets I’ve Seen On Twitter… So Far.

I highly recommend that you follow these individuals.  To do so, just click on their Twitter name and it will take you right to their Twitter account.

Enjoy the laughs and by all means, if you have an “Funny Tweets” that you have saved in your favorites, just post them in the comments section and I will upload them into this post, giving you credit and making their Twitter names clickable.

@brooksbayne best part of valentine’s day being over is no more vermont teddy bear commercials. #fail

@DennisFMaloney A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. A woman must do what he can’t. – Rhonda Hansome

@DennisFMaloney “Women are like cell phones. They like to be held and talked to, but push the wrong button, and you’ll be disconnected.”
—Unknown

@RoyDAylmer The worst thing about censorship is xxxxxxxx xxx xxxxx xxxx xxxxxxxxx xxxxxx xxxxx xxxxx xx xxx x x xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx

@sethsimonds Do you think “Spam” is able to sell more processed meat because their brand name is used so much on the internet, though out of context?

@frankparker If the invisible man knocks the door tell him i can’t see him right now!

@awaisnaseer when clicked to add myself as friend on digg it said “You cannot befriend yourself silly. Go find some new friends!” ha ha ha LOL

@missourioutdoor Light travels faster than soundThis is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

@blairwarren If you discover you’re not the voice inside your head, you’re free; if you take my word for it, you’re simply trading one voice for another.

@PragueBob John Denver was born on this day in 1943 in Roswell, New Mexico. Wait, Roswell? …and inability to identify his body in a 1997 plane crash?

@Aronado my poodle farted, she must have eaten another California burrito…gees!!!

@JamesIslander My fake plant died because I didn’t pretend to water it…

@William_Bell Wondering why a woman’s best friend is a diamond and a man’s best friend is a dog! Can someone with intelligence answer?

@deadrooster You know, I’d give my right-arm to be ambidextrous.

@exotikmaze Interesting headlines I’ve been seeing today. Caskets found as workers demolish mausoleums. Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons..:-)

@revjinx The looks that I’m getting from @AlexisRae as I’m crawling around the roof hanging Christmas lights is kinda freakin me out.

(Continued) @revjinx Its like she just doubled my life insurance policy and is just waiting now.

@deadrooster I’m reading a book called 3-minute abs. I worked out for 3 minutes but my abs look the same…what a ripoff!

Thanks for stopping by, I hope you had a good laugh

Remember to follow me on Twitter, if you’re not already!

THIS SPACE RESERVED FOR YOUR FAVORITE FUNNY TWEETS:

The following were submitted by Jaffer Maniar in the comments:

@problogger Last night I had a dream that I was watering the garden. Then I woke up… It was 3am and I was in the backyard watering my vege patch.

@hollydale Dear spammers … go buy a billboard on the highway

@OlgaTTB @maniar What’s a Shamwow?

Be sure to check the Comment Section for more and add your favorites!  I figured out how to edit the comments to make the @names clickable.

You know the economy is bad when…

This is so funny… my wife Alison “Truthoughts” has a friend from Jr.High/Highschool, on Facebook, that has a great sense of humor.  He posted this hilarious pic on his Facebook account.  You can find Bryan Turner on Facebook by clicking his name.

10 Signs You’ve Become a Twitter Whore!

While building up my favorite Tweets list for the next installment of “The Funniest Tweets I’ve Seen on Twitter“, it just hit me that there are certain activities that are taking place on Twitter in the biggest “follower grab” in the history of the internet.  Reminiscent of the Oklamhoma land grab or the California Gold Rush, there seems to be a “mad dash” to grab as many Twitter followers as you can, as fast as you can.

If you haven’t gotten caught up in the excitement, I had better warn you that it is quite addicting.  As I created this list, funny how it came to me so easily… hmmm… I realized that I myself am guilty of a few of these tell tale signs.  So, sit back and enjoy the laugh and know that if you can associate with one or more of these, you are in good company!

Here are 10 sure-fire signs you’ve become a Twitter whore:

10.  Your Tweets have more than two hash tags: #HappyO9, #TCOT, #bedtimestories, #blacklabs that don’t seem to be related.

9.  You get a really nice DM repsonse back, but you have no clue what they are talking about, because you can’t link back to your original DM.

8.  You check Twitter Grader more than once a day.

7.  You get upset when less than 300 people have followed you… in just one day!

6.  You stay up later than you should, just to follow a “few” more Tweeters, oh and that one too, just one more, ah, now there’s a good one…wait, I see another.

5.  You unfollow people, just to follow them back so that your Twitter icon is catapulted to the beginning of their follower list, thereby giving you more exposure. Cha-ching!

4.  You’ve resigned yourself to Auto-follow with a spammy DM message!

3.  When someone following 300 people, or less, follows you there entire home page fills up with just your Tweets.

2.  You’ve given up going to people’s profiles before you follow them as long as they have a decent picture.

1.  You follow them even if they have a scary picture!

 

Thanks for stopping by, and by all means, if your not following me on Twitter yet, you can do so here: @OutsideMyBrain

BTW have you seen this funny video:  Twitter Whore with Lisa Nova

— YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION TO RETWEET THIS POST —

Can you think of any that I missed?  Leave yours in the comments!

Cell Phone Secrets Revealed…er, um Buried!

Now you really can take your secrets to the grave!

According the this article, Bury Me With My Cell Phone it is a growing trend to be buried with your cell phone (also known to many as an iPhone) or other electronic gadget.

“It seems that everyone under 40 who dies takes their cell phone with them,” says Noelle Potvin, family service counselor for Hollywood Forever, a funeral home and cemetery in Hollywood, Calif. “It’s a trend with BlackBerrys, too. We even had one guy who was buried with his Game Boy.”

Well, I guess that’s one way of making sure that the data on your Blackberry or iPhone goes to the grave with you.  That’s the first thing I thought of when I read this article.  Especially for people who have sensitive data on their phones.

So, instead of the McCain-Palin campaign mishap of selling a Blackberry for $20 that had peronal information and emails still inside, that Blackberry could have gone to the grave with that person (or simply been erased, but where’s the fun in that?)

According to the “Bury Me With My Cell Phone” article, appearently some people’s family members are so used to the electronic gadget being with the deceased person, that it just doesn’t seem right for them to be without it.

“I’ve even heard of cases where people are being buried with their iPod. Or one guy who was prepared for his viewing with his Bluetooth (headset) in his ear.”

It’s kind of ironic given that fact that someone so attached to their cell phone, that they have to be buried with it, may be in the grave as a result of their cell phone use, as this article seems to suggest: Cell Phone=Brain Cancer?

Maybe some people just  want to make sure that they are connected in the afterlife in the land of unlimited Twitter followers and StumbleUpon friend connections.

What about you?  How connected are you to your electronic equipment?  According to a recent aritlce, a study, conducted by Harris Interactive and sponsored by Intel, found that 46 percent of women and 30 percent of men would prefer to do without sex for 2 weeks than to not be connected to the internet for two weeks.

So, what do you think about this new trend?  Let us know your thoughts below in the comment section!

The Funniest Tweets I’ve Seen on Twitter – So far!

As some of you know, I recently started spending a lot more time on Twitter.  Twitter has really transformed itself over the past 2-3 months.  If you haven’t been on Twitter in a while, you should check it out.

HINT:  If you want more followers – FOLLOW MORE PEOPLE!

More on that here: It’s Not Your Daughter’s Twitter Anymore!

BTW:  If we are not already friends on StumbleUpon come join my network and I’ll help promote your website or blog.  And if you are on Twitter than follow me here.

Listed below are just some (hard to catch them all without remaining on Twitter 24/7) of the funny Tweets that I have seen over the past couple of weeks.  If you know of others, please leave them in the comments section and I will add them to the list, with a link to your Twitter account or website as my thanks for your contribution.

BTW:  You should follow the people listed below here… they’re funny!

@shmoozanne74: “i’m so tired we may end up eating Captain Crunch stuffing and mashed bananas” – hey, don’t knock the Cap’n.

@rinkjustice I refuse to follow anyone with a Twitter name like “gkjg,nlhjhg”. Jus’ sayin.

@JackBastide How do you keep a Tweeter in suspense? … I’ll tell you tomorrow

@MarkClayson Darn it! Used “charm” twice.

@MarkClayson Night’s curtain falls and charms my wavering consciousness. ‘Tis time to greet the charm of dreams. Goodnight my friends.

@JackBastide There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.

@eduinnovation I have glitter on my hands and on my face from Christmas ornaments. How do the elves and Santa handle this. Must have some Santa Shop secret

@Mobasoft I could collect 500 gallons of rainwater in a 1/2 inch rain. Enough to flush the toilet 147 times. But I live in a “Modern House” – pfffft.

@JackBastide I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

@NatalieGrant: Twittering is dangerous. I was reading my tweets and wasn’t watching where I was walking & ran into a pole.

@BrianCarter @lifeofjenn lol some people might tell you Twitter is a second chance to be “cool in school”. Love Ben Folds.

(Zebra Photo Courtesy of: LaDonna_62 )

FROM THE COMMENTS SECTION: (Thank you for your contribution)

Jaffer writes:

I usually favourite hilarious and memorable Tweets by my own friends. Here are a few gems:

@katize: hahahaha!! We can hear the neighbors having sex…damn!! they are so loud!!

@ithinkdancan: @TonyBerkman your fly is down

@maniar Feeling Stupid – Bought a Sara Lee Pumpkin Pie. Thought it was ready to eat. Didn’t read instructions. Sunk teeth right into dough !

@jugglingfrogs Gretta (4) stubbed her toe & kissed it herself.Then kissed it again & again. “I’m kissing my toe lots of times so it won’t hurt next time.”

@goldiekatsu Just read “Oneal Pkwy” as “Oatmeal Pkwy”. Still giggling.

@offendedblogger Dreamed I was doing community service, picking up trash on a mountainside in Yellowstone last night, wtf sort of dream is that?!

_____________________________

Truthoughts writes:

Here’s one:

@rickosborne Those who collect followers by the yard and follow by the inch should B kicked by the foot. : )

_____________________________

Related Posts:

The Funniest Tweets I’ve Seen on Twitter – 2nd Edition

It’s Not Your Daughter’s Twitter Anymore!

BE SURE TO WATCH THE HILARIOUS “LISA NOVA” VIDEO (below)

Somethings happening in Twitterville, I just have to say.

The Tweeters in Twitterville are Tweeting away,

but the Tweeters who Tweet that are Tweeting today,

Tweet a much different Tweet than back in the day!

A new brand of Tweeter is Tweeting about,

building and shaping their Twitterville clout.

The new Tweeters Tweeting are giving a shout,

but not just because they have let the dog out.

This new brand of Tweeter on Twitterville row,

is Tweeting a Tweet about those in the know.

Giving up hints and tips and hot news for show,

Tweeting their Tweets to those on the go.

Tweeters who Tweet ’bout the last party with booze.

Can certainly be followed, if that’s what you choose.

But following those Tweeters who Tweet the hot news,

Is like rubbing elbows with all the Twitter Who’s whos.

If this new kind of Tweeter sounds appealing to you,

Head on over to Twitter, and here’s what to do,

Just follow me and I will follow you,

and make sure you follow all my followers too.

Written by me: @OutsideMyBrain 11/16/08

Click the Bird to Follow Me on Twitter

STUMBLE this page if you want more Followers!

There are wonderful things happening in Twitterville these days.  There is a whole movement within Social Networking and the Social Media for corporations and businesses to “get involved” or get “left behind”.  Quite simply, businesses are becoming more “transparent” to the consumer and actually getting into the whole online social scene.  For example, one of my followers, @GuyKawasaki (a renowned entrepreneur and venture capitalist) wrote an extensive post here on how to gain more Twitter followers.  He should know, he’s at 27,000 followers and counting. You should also check out another one of my followers @JackBastide who has dedicated an entire blog to what he’s has learned about Twitter and how you can benefit from it.  I have many other who’s whos in my list of followers.  Be sure to follow them all.

Here are just a few notables (in no particular order) you should follow: @Jimconnolly @problogger @maxgladwell @zaibatsu @Scobleizer @garyvee @bloggersblog @socialmediaclub @MarkClayson @dmscott @bigmarketing @chrisbrogan @johnhaydon

And of course my wife @Truthoughts

BTW, if you are brand new to Twitter, you should read this post by @johnhaydon first: How to Avoid Being an *** on Twitter and Every Other Social Networking Site Too!

Thanks to @JackBastide for Tweeting about Lisa Nova (a YouTube celebrity).  She created a hilarious spoof on what Twitter used to be like, and admittedly still is somewhat, depending on who you follow:

This Funny Video spoofs what Twitter USED to be like!

(WARNING: This video contains some language that may not be suitable for work)

[YouTube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALbH63Ali9U]

Barack Osama? – Ooops! Was it an honest mistake?

Barack Osama?

 

According to CNN’s Political Ticker Blog, this Rensselaer County (near Albany, NY) ballot was accidentally printed with Barack Obama’s name mispelled.  Hmmm… What do you think?  Was it an honest mistake?  Was it a freudian slip? Depending on your view of things, this could be filed under extremely funny or extremely disturbing.  Let me know what you think about it in the comment section.