Paper Beats Rock…Or… Does It?


I understand how scissors can beat paper, and I get
how a rock can beat scissors, but there’s absolutely
no way, paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to
magically wrap around rock and leave it immobile?
Why, the heck, can’t paper do this to people? Why
aren’t sheets of college ruled notebook paper
constantly suffocating students as they take notes in
class? I’ll tell you why! Because paper can’t beat
anybody. A rock would tear that stuff up in 2
seconds. When I play rock, paper, scissors, I always
choose rock. Then, when somebody claims to have
beaten me with their paper, I can punch them in the
face with my already clenched fist and say, oops,
I’m sorry, I thought your paper would protect you.


You may have already read this in it original form.  I took the liberty of cleaning up the foul language.  I would like to thank MuseVox for showing this to me on her Stumble Upon blog.  I don’t think it needs the harsh language (including the F-bomb) to be hillarious, however, if you would like to read the original post, you can find it here:

Found Magazine – Paper Can’t Win

Found Magazine:  We collect FOUND stuff: love letters, birthday cards, kids’ homework, to-do lists, ticket stubs, poetry on napkins, telephone bills, doodles – anything that gives a glimpse into someone else’s life. Anything goes…

For the ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS (aka Roshambo) enthusiast, this story may seem to make a mockery of your favorite game. No worries, there is hope, and support (including RPS Tournaments) out there for you. Check out this site:

World RPS Society



7 Responses

  1. I genuinely laughed out loud when I read that. Thanks.

  2. @Joe: Thanks and that means a lot coming from the king of comedy!

  3. OK, the ending was awesome on this! I, too, laughed out loud! Love it!!

  4. that was really fun.

  5. Wow! This shows how desenstized most of us have become. We haven’t taken the time to consider the meaning of the words. We just accept the fallacy because everyone else goes along with it. Thanks for the fun wake up call.

  6. Oh! My Gosh! I have been asking that question for years.. I could never understand how paper could beat anything.
    Thanks for sharing… I needed a giggle today!

  7. @Lance: Thanks. I’m glad you loved it!

    @santosh: Your welcome!

    @Robert: “We just accept the fallacy”… how true my friend and how true that rings in so many other areas of our lives as well.

    @K: You’re welcome! Thanks for the comment. Glad it gave you a giggle.

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